The Third Pig Detective Agency Part 3

If you are looking for The Third Pig Detective Agency Part 3 you are coming to the right place. The Third Pig Detective Agency is a Webnovel created by Bob Burke. This lightnovel is currently completed.

'Yeah,' he replied. 'The entrance is just up ahead.'

'Stop when you get there. We'll come to meet you.'

'Roger wilco. Over and out.' He'd obviously been watching too many war films.

Guided by Aladdin and Gruff, I walked back through the maze that was the inside of the house and made my way outside. As I walked across the lawn, I heard Jack's voice advising that he had reached the entrance to the tunnel. I told him to stick his head out and describe what he saw.

'It's a hole in the ground, surrounded by trees. I can hear cars so there must be a road nearby but I can't see it from where I'm standing.'

And, by extension, no one could see the hole from the road either.

I turned to Aladdin.

'From the signal, it looks as though the tunnel comes up just outside that wall there.' I pointed to the high wall running along the side of his estate. 'What's on the other side?'

Aladdin thought for a minute, and then for a few more. It was obvious he hadn't the faintest idea. He'd most likely never even noticed what was out there as he went in and out of his house every dayprobably in a large limo with tinted windows.

I turned to Gruff. As chief of security I imagined he should know.

'It's a small open area between this house and the next. It's used occasionally by the local residents for walking their dogs, or at least those residents that, from time to time, actually venture out of their houses by means of their feet,' he said, glancing meaningfully at his boss. 'There are a few clumps of trees there. Most likely that's where your minion will be.'

We made our way out the main gate and along by those very imposing walls around Aladdin's house. It was easy to see why the thieves had gone under. The walls were very high with barbed wire on top and, as Gruff explained while we walked, equipped with more pressure sensors. If anything heavier than a sparrow landed on them, the alarms would go off. Even if an intruder was able to get over the walls without setting off the alarms (maybe he was a good pole-vaulter, I don't know) the grounds were full of heat sensors and more cameras. If he managed to get past those minor inconveniences, Ogre 'Not On Our Watch' Security would probably have fun using him as a volleyball. Your common or garden thief didn't stand a chance. It made me even more curious as to what type of thief I was dealing with.

We arrived at the open ground and could see Jack waving at us from a clump of trees about fifty feet from the wall.

'Over here,' he shouted.

When we got to him he was only too eager to show us where he had come out. We pushed through the trees with difficulty as they were very close together, and examined the tunnel. It looked like a very professional job: perfectly circular, level floor and smooth walls with supports to prevent accidental collapse. From its size, the diggers were also apparently quite small. I would have had problems had I been obliged to navigate it.

As I looked at the area around the tunnel entrance, something hanging off one of the branches caught my eye. Closer inspection revealed a bright green thread blowing gently in the wind. One of the thieves must have snagged an exceedingly loud item of clothing on the tree as he made his escape.

At this stage my brain, which, for obvious reasons, had understandably been functioning below par for most of the day, began to power itself up and began asking key questions (although not aloud). More to the point it also began to answer them. Perhaps my a.s.sailant wasn't quite as mysterious as I had thought. Putting the information about the tunnel together with the thread and my strange encounter of the previous night, a pattern began to emerge. I needed to get an expert opinion about tunnels and the creatures that dug them. It was time for a trip to the enchanted forest.

I turned to my client.

'Mr Aladdin,' I said. 'I believe, based on what we've just seen, that I am beginning to make some progress in the matter of your missing lamp. I need to make some calls and meet some people. I should have an update for you by tonight. May I contact you then?'

He whipped a card out of his inside pocket.

'My direct number; I am always available. Is there anything you'd care to share now?'

Of course there wasn't. All I had were a few ideas and a bizarre theory that was slowly taking shape but I wasn't going to tell him that.

'Not at this time. I will provide a full update later.'

He grunted, which I a.s.sumed was an acknowledgement, and we walked back to the house.

'Until later, then,' he said as Jack and I got into my car.

'Later,' I agreed and drove away. As the huge walls disappeared from view behind us, I told Jack where we were going.

'Are we really going into the enchanted forest?' he asked. 'I've never been.'

It should be pointed out right here that no self-respecting fairy tale town like ours would be without an enchanted forest. It was the location of choice for any laboratory, workshop or secret lair for magicians, wizards, warlocks, witches, alchemists, thaumaturges, vampires and the obligatory mad scientist. There is usually at least one mountain smack in the middle guarded by a horrible monster (usually a dragon) and reputed to be the location of a h.o.a.rd of treasure.

If truth be known, however, most of the mountains were now just tourist attractions, the treasure having been plundered centuries before and the dragon killed in the process (and replaced by a very realistic animatronic duplicate to keep the punters happy). If you were looking for magic trees (of wood as opposed to those car air freshners that smell nice), cottages made of confectionery, any sword embedded in a stone, unofficial spell-casters, illegal potion sellers or two-headed birds, the enchanted forest was the place to go. Grimmtown's forest had an additional attraction for me, however, one that might go a long way towards solving this case.

We made our way back down from the lofty plateau of Frog Prince Heights, drove across town and into the forest. Fortunately, our destination wasn't too far in. There were far too many unpleasant things lying in wait deep in the forest for unsuspecting adventurers or unaccompanied tour parties and I had no urge to encounter any of them again (yes, I've been there before). After a short drive along a dark, tree-lined road, I pulled up to yet another large gate with yet another anonymous security system.

'The Heigh Ho Diamond Mining Company,' said Jack, reading the ornate sign over the gate. 'Why are we coming here?'

'Because if anyone can tell me anything about who built that tunnel,' I said, leaning out of the car to activate the speaker beside the gate, 'it's the chaps who run this place.'

'Name?' crackled a voice from the speaker. If I didn't know better, I'd swear it was the same voice as the one at Aladdin's.

'Just tell the lads it's Harry and I'd appreciate a moment of their time.'

Almost as soon as I'd finished speaking, the gates swung opena lot slower and with a lot more gravitas than those at Aladdin's. There was no drive up to the building though; the offices were right beside the gate. There were seven parking s.p.a.ces marked 'Director', all occupied by very fast, very sleek and very expensive cars. I was almost embarra.s.sed to park my heap of junk beside them. Almost, but not quiteI'm unusually thick-skinned for a pig. We got out of the car and entered the office. As I opened the door, I turned to Jack.

'Not a word, kid,' I warned. 'Just let me do the talking. Some of these guys can be a bit difficult to deal with so stay shtum.'

'Yes sir,' said Jack, giving me a very official-looking salute that I hoped was tongue in cheek.

The reception area consisted of a few garish plastic chairs grouped around a battered coffee table, which was stacked with the inevitable dog-eared three-year-old magazines. Behind a desk and facing the entrance a sour-looking receptionist glowered at me, as if my arrival was a personal affront to him and had somehow ruined his day. Behind him, running the length of the wall, were seven portraitsone for each of the company's directors.

'Take a seat,' he snapped. 'One of the Seven will meet you shortly.'

'Who are "the Seven"?' whispered Jack, as we sat down. 'Are they some kind of secret society with blood oaths, strange pa.s.swords and funny handshakes?'

'Nah,' I replied nonchalantly, picking up a well-thumbed copy of Miner's Monthly. 'Nothing so mysterious. They're seven dwarves, all brothers, who set up a diamond mining company here years ago. It's been very profitable. They've cornered the diamond market locally. If anyone knows about digging tunnels, these guys do; they're experts in their chosen fieldor under their chosen field even.'

Fortunately we weren't kept waiting too long. A door in the wall facing us opened and a large, red, bulbous nose appeared followedit seemed like hours laterby the rest of the dwarf. Unfortunately it was Grumpy, my least favourite.

'Well Pigg, whaddya want?' he growled. His interpersonal skills tended to leave a lot to be desiredmost noticeably anything remotely resembling good manners. As a rule his brothers tended not to let him do press conferences when they announced their yearly results.

I, of course, knew exactly which b.u.t.tons to press.

I'm looking for some a.s.sistance please, Mr...ah...it's Dopey, isn't it?' I replied, knowing full well how much it would aggravate him.

His nose turned even redder and the flush spread to the rest of his face. He glowered at me. 'It's Grumpy,' he said. 'G-R-U-M-P-Y!'

'By name and by nature,' I said under my breath to Jack. He looked down and I could see his cheeks bulge as he tried not to laugh. It's tough being a detective's a.s.sistant; you must maintain a calm demeanour at all times, especially when confronted with stressful situations.

He took up the magazine I'd been reading and developed an intense interest in an article on new methods of extracting metals from abandoned mines.

'Apologies, Mr Grumpy. I tend to confuse you and your brothers,' I lied. 'I'm looking for information about tunnels and those who dig them. As you have an undoubted expertise in this area, I figure that if anyone can help me it will be you.'

Flattery will obviously get you everywhere as Grumpy positively preened when he heard me compliment him. He puffed up his chest and strutted across the room. I could see his face gradually a.s.sume a less aggressive shade of red as he came towards me.

'What kind of information?' he asked.

I gave him the details of the tunnel I'd found without revealing where it had been dug or why. He considered what I'd said.

'Definitely made by experts from the sound of it, which does narrow it down. The best in the business are little People. It's almost genetic with us. We have an affinity with stone; we love being underground and have an innate skill in burrowing, digging and making holes.'

What kind of little People are we talking about?' I asked.

'Well, apart from my brothers and meand you know it isn't us,' he said, 'you've got other dwarves, who usually dig in rock; Halflings, who are good with earth, and fairies, good for small and very basic holes only and purely for sleeping in.'

I wasn't aware of any of these operating illegally in or around Grimmtown and neither was Mr Grumpy. As his company tended to employ all the expert diggers in the region, he would know of any newcomersparticularly as he would probably end up giving them a job, especially if they showed any kind of talent for tunnelling.

'Anyone else?' I asked.

'There are a few others that have shown tunnelling tendencies in the past. Kobolds, leprechauns, gnomes, the occasional Orc and, on very rare occasions, elves, although they've got soft hands so they tend to lotion a lot afterwards.'

I could tell he didn't hold elves in high esteem. I shared his opinion. They tended to stand around looking mysteriously into the middle distance declaiming loudly and pompously such phrases as 'The saucer is broken; milk will be spilled this night.' They never got invited to parties as they usually drank all the beer and, most annoyingly, never seemed to get drunkapart from a tingling sensation in their fingers.

I figured that this was about as much information as I was going to get. It wasn't a lot but it did give me an inkling of where I should go next. I thanked Grumpy, dragged Jack away from his magazine and headed back to the car.

5.

If You Go Down to the Woods Today.

As I drove back through the forest I kept going over the events of the past two days. Things were starting to make a little sensealthough not much. As I mulled over the case Jack nudged me in the side with a very bony elbow.

'Mr Pigg,' he said, 'don't look now, but I think we're being followed.'

'What makes you say that?' I asked.

'Well, the car behind us doesn't appear to have a driver and it's been tailing us since we left the dwarves' place.'

I looked in the mirror. He was right. Directly behind us was a very large, very black and very battered car with no driver obviously behind the wheel. As I looked it began to speed up. I could see the steering wheel rotate but it seemed to be doing so of its own accord. Maybe the Invisible Man was driving the car but, frankly, I doubted ithe had been advised to take taxis, as, every time he got behind the wheel, he tended to cause a small panic.

This was now getting beyond a joke and I wasn't the one who was laughing. Suddenly, the car accelerated again and rammed us from behind. The impact jolted us forward. Fortunately, apart from being winded, we didn't suffer any injuries, our seatbelts preventing any major harm.

'Wheel' shouted Jack. 'This is just like a roller coaster. Does this always happen when you drive?'

'No,' I said, trying to keep one eye on the road ahead and one on the car behind (not an easy task). 'Only on good days.'

Of course, car chases never take place on straight wide roads that run for miles with no sharp turns or oncoming traffic. Oh no, apparently convention dictates that they must take place through a busy metropolis with lots of hills, a narrow dirt track running along a sheer drop into the ocean or, as in my case, through a dark forest with a twisty road, lots of sharp bends and (being an enchanted forest) trees that might take exception to being woken up and take a swipe at whatever vehicle had done the waking. The bigger the tree, the more likely your car was to suddenly develop the art of flight when one of its branches made contact. Typically it wasn't the flying that one needed to be worried about; usually it was the landingwhich tended to be uncontrolled, totally lacking in technique and, almost inevitably, resulted in your vehicle being embedded up to its rear doors in the ground. Most cars tended never to get back on the road after contact with one of our magic trees.

As I swerved to avoid hitting one of these trees and to try to ensure that my pursuer didn't, I had another of my really bright ideas.

'Hold tight,' I roared at Jack as I pressed hard on the accelerator. 'This could get scary.'

'You mean it gets better?' he shouted back, grinning from ear to ear. 'This is the coolest ride I've ever been on. Go Harry!' He stretched both arms up over his head, as people do just as they get their photograph taken on the scary part of a roller coaster ride, and yelled at the top of his voice. Truly this child had no fear.

The sudden burst of acceleration had, for a few seconds, taken me away from my pursuer. Rather than head towards the forest's edge, however, I took one of the trails deeper into the trees. I had a very specific destination in mind and one that might, if my timing was right, get this particular pursuer permanently off our backs.

As we drove further into the forest, the trees grew closer together and, eventually, their branches became so entwined over the road they formed a natural tunnel, shutting out daylight completely. I flicked on the headlights and they gave just enough illumination to prevent me driving off the road. On either side, gnarled branches were trying to grab at the car as we pa.s.sed but I was going so fast they only sc.r.a.ped off the sides. They might be ruining the bodywork, but at least the bodies inside the car were undamagedfor now.

I recklessly navigated turn after turn (by the skin of my teeth in most cases), the road getting narrower and windier as we drove. I wasn't particularly scared of the forest; being chased by an invisible maniac tended to force all other thoughts of being frightened from one's mind. Our pursuer wasn't quite as reckless though, preferring to drive fast enough to keep us in his sights but not so fast as to spin off the road. We would hardly have been that lucky but that wasn't my main objective. It would, however, have made what I was about to do much less of a riskespecially to Jack and meif he'd managed to hit something other than us in the interim.

A fork in the road came up so fast that, even though I was expecting it, I still nearly ploughed straight into the tree that stood right where the road split in two. I swung the steering wheel in an effort to keep the car on track. It screeched around the right-hand turn, leaving a liberal helping of rubber on the road. I was hoping my pursuer might not be so lucky but as I looked in the mirror I saw him take the fork a little less dramatically than I had and continue his relentless pursuit. We were now driving in total darkness such was the tree cover all around us. Even the car's headlamps didn't do much to light the way.

I was now driving purely on instinct. Bends came and went in a blur and all the while I could see the lights of the other car behind us, never closing the gap but never losing any ground either. Well, if things went according to plan, there would soon be a fair, and somewhat unexpected, distance between us. I turned to Jack.

'Hold on tight. Things might get a little b.u.mpier.'

His face lit up like a searchlight. 'You mean it gets better?'

'Oh yeah, much better,' I replied grimly. 'Just make sure you're well strapped in.'

At last we were arriving at our destination. In front of us the road narrowed and curved around sharply to the left. Right on the bend stood a large and very old ash tree. Its gnarled branches hung down over the road, trailing long green strands of moss. As we approached they began to twitch as if antic.i.p.ating our imminent arrival. I stood on the brakes and the car stopped abruptly just in front of the tree, jerking both of us forward. Moss draped across the windscreen, obscuring our visibility, but I was only interested in what I could see out of my side window. Jack was looking over his shoulder to see where our pursuer was and was finally starting to panic.

'Why have you stopped, Harry? He's getting closer.'

'I know. Just another few seconds.' I began to rev up the car.

'We don't have a few seconds. He's right on us.' Jack was really panicking now.

There was a blurred movement of something grey and gnarled coming towards us from the side and I instantly accelerated. The car shot forward as if it had been fired from a cannon. Our pursuer, who had sped into the s.p.a.ce we'd just vacated, was suddenly swept sideways by a large and very fast moving branch. There was a loud wail from inside the car as it was catapulted across the road and smashed through the undergrowth on the opposite side, leaving a large and impressive vehicle-shaped hole in the bushes. Where the car had been on the road, a few leaves floated gently to the ground.

'Now that's what I call a flying car,' I muttered with satisfaction. 'James Bond, eat your heart out.'

Before I could take too much pleasure in the somewhat premature end to the chase, I had to drive my own car out of reach of the ash tree's branches before it had a second swipe. Better safe than even more damaged, I always say.

'Well, let's take a look at the incredible flying car,' I said, as I opened the door and got out. 'From the noise that it made as it flew through the air with the greatest of ease, I very much doubt that it was driverless.'

As Jack joined me and we began to make our way across to where the other car had landed I turned to the ash tree. 'Thanks Leslie,' I said. 'I can always depend on you to miss me.'

The tree shook its branches violently and sprayed moss in all directions.

'Maybe next time, Pigg,' it said in a voice that made Treebeard sound like a soprano. 'You can't be lucky forever.'

'What's his problem?' asked Jack.

'Some other time,' I replied. 'It's a long story. Suffice to say that, ever since my last encounter with him, he's had a deep longing to play baseball with meusing me as the ball.'

We made our way through the undergrowth. It wasn't too difficult as the flying car had cleared a wide path for us. We found it in a tree, jammed into the junction of two large branches. On the driver's side the door was open. Fortunately for me it was within climbing distance. Very carefully, I climbed up to the car and peered inside. Whoeveror whateverhad been driving had clearly done a runner, leaving nothing in the way of clues behind. Apart from the gla.s.s all over the floor, the inside of the car was spotlessly clean. I was now convinced that, despite initial appearances to the contrary, there had been a driver. Something had been screaming in terror as the car took flight and that same something had managed to open the door and disappear before we got there. All I had to do now was figure out what that something was, and if there's one thing I'm good at (actually, there are lots of things I'm good at) it's figuring things out. I hadn't actually expected to find anything in the carthat was a long shot. I was more interested in what may have been on the front. I swung around to the remains of the hood. Steam hissed from the mangled engine but there was no obvious smell of gasoline so I figured I was safe. I ran my trotters carefully over the front grille and felt something jammed in.

'Let's see what we've got here,' I muttered, pulling at the mysterious object.

The Third Pig Detective Agency Part 2

If you are looking for The Third Pig Detective Agency Part 2 you are coming to the right place. The Third Pig Detective Agency is a Webnovel created by Bob Burke. This lightnovel is currently completed.

'Thanks for the beauty tips,' I replied. 'Maybe you should take it up professionally. You're obviously wasted in this job.'

'Now, now, I'm only trying to help.'

'Well, try harder.' I headed for the door and walked down to where my car was parked. Sliding into the driver's seat I gave myself a last once-over in the mirror.

'Presentable,' I murmured. 'Not at my best, but I should pa.s.s muster. At least they won't know that I spent the night sleeping in an alleyway.'

I started the car and drove uptown to see how the other half lived. Nestling in the foothills on the north side of town, Frog Prince Heightspossibly Grimmtown's most exclusive residential areawas home to the richest, most famous and probably most downright crooked of our citizens. Most of the very large and tasteless mansions had their own security service and enough electronic surveillance to make even the most paranoid of residents comfortable in their beds at night. As was the case with all residential areas of this type, the higher up the hills you went, the bigger the estates got. To my total lack of surprise, my client's home (if a word like home could do justice to the palace I drove up to) was right at the top of the hill overlooking the entire town.

'Master of all he surveys, no doubt,' I said, as I pulled up at the very large, very imposing and very closed gates that were embedded in even larger and more imposing walls. Just to the left of the gates was a small speaker underneath which was a bright red b.u.t.ton. Pressing the b.u.t.ton, I waited for a response. As I sat there, I imagined that very hidden, very small, very expensive and very-high-resolution cameras were even now trained on me, watching my every move. I didn't have to wait too long.

'Yes,' crackled a voice from the speaker.

'Harry Pigg. I have an appointment.'

'Just one moment.'

A please would have been nice, but I imagined detectives were as high in the food chain of visitors to the mansion as the mailman and the garbage collector so I figured manners weren't part of standard operating procedure.

The gates swung open very quietly and very quickly. I was a bit disappointed; I had imagined they'd be more imposing and ominous with lots of creaking and rattling.

The intercom crackled again. 'Drive through,' said the voice. 'Follow the road around to the side. You'll be met there.'

I followed the driveway up to the house, past lawns that looked as though they were manicured with nail scissors rather than mown. The house itself was a monument to bad taste or blind architects. Someone had clearly tried to incorporate my client's eastern origins into a gothic pile. It was as if a giant (and we have plenty in the locality) had dropped the Taj Mahal on Dracula's Castle and then cemented bits of Barad-dur on afterwards for effect. Minarets jostled for s.p.a.ce with paG.o.das, battlements and some downright ugly and bored-looking gargoyles. It hurt my eyes just to look at it, and I was wearing shades.

I drove around the side of this tasteless monstrosity to be greeted by another one. Waiting for me at what I presumed was the tradesman's entrance was an ogre, proudly displaying his 'Ogre SecurityNot On Our Watch' badge. He was an imposing figureall muscle and boils. Slowly he checked my ID before letting me out of the car. I could see his lips move as he read the details. The fact that he could actually read impressed me no endmost ogres I knew preferred to eat books rather than read them. Good roughage, apparently.

'So you weren't watching the other night, then?' I asked.

'Huh?' he replied.

I pointed to his badge.

'The other night?' I repeated. 'On your watch? Did you guys take the night off when the lamp was stolen?'

'What lamp?'

'Your boss's lamp. The one that...' Seeing the blank look on his face it was obvious that Ogre Security provided the muscle to keep the grounds free of intruders but didn't have too much input to the more sophisticated security inside the house. 'Never mind. Can I go in now?'

He even held the door open for me as I entered the house. A polite security guard, whatever next?

Inside, my good friend Gruff was waiting for me and, by the look on his face, wasn't relishing the job.

'Ah Mr Gruff, so good of you to meet me. I recognised your foul stench as soon as I came aboard. Showers broken, eh?'

He looked at me and I could tell he was struggling to come back with a witty reply, or indeed any reply. I smiled at his discomfort.

'Never mind,' I said. 'If you practise hard in front of a mirror maybe you'll learn to string more than two words together for the next time we meet. Wouldn't that be nice?'

He glowered as he led me through the house. It was just as tasteless on the inside as on the out. Furniture of various styles, shapes and sizes jostled for position with figurines, sculptures, a.s.sorted suits of exotic armour and a variety of plants. It looked like a storage depot for an antiques store run by a florist rather than a place someone actually lived in.

I was led through so many pa.s.sages and rooms that I soon lost my way and had to depend on my guide to stop me from getting lost.

Eventually we arrived at a steel door that dominated the end of yet another long corridor. It was the kind of door that was more suited to the front of a large castle to keep invading hordes at bay rather than guarding a rich man's trinkets.

'The study,' said Gruff. 'I'll let you in once I've switched off the security system.'

He pressed some numbers on a keypad beside the door. There was a grinding noise and some sequential clunking as locks were deactivated. The door slowly slid into the wall. Lights in the room flickered on as we entered. If the rest of the house had been a monument to clutter, this room was a testament to minimalism. Apart from a large cylindrical black pedestal in the middle of the room, it was completely empty. There were no windows and the only door was the one we had just come through.

I walked towards the pedestal to have a look. It was a column of black marble that came up roughly to my chest. On top was a smaller display stand covered in black velvet, upon which, presumably, the lamp had stood. On closer inspection I could still see the imprint of the lamp's base in the cloth.

'So this is where the lamp was kept,' I said.

'Yes,' said a familiar voice behind me. 'Hi-tech security and surveillance systems and still it disappeared.'

Aladdin strode into the room and shook my trotter. 'Glad you could make it.'

'My pleasure. Exactly how hi-tech was the security here?' I asked.

'If you care to step back to the door, we can show you.'

We all walked back to the entrance and Aladdin turned to the goat.

'Mr Gruff, if you would be so kind.'

Gruff punched some more numbers on the keypad and the lights in the room dimmed again.

'Firstly,' began my employer/landlord, 'the floor is basically one giant pressure pad. Once the security system is switched on anything heavier than a spider running across the room will trigger the alarm. Observe.' Taking a very clean, very expensive and very unused silk handkerchief from his jacket pocket he lobbed it gently into the room. It floated slowly downwards and had hardly touched the floor when strident alarms rang all over the house.

'In addition,' he continued, as Gruff frantically pressed b.u.t.tons to silence the ringing, 'there is a laser grid in the room which will detect anyone that might, for example, try to suspend themselves from the ceiling and lower themselves down to the pedestal.'

Another flourish of the arm, some more b.u.t.ton-punching from Gruff and suddenly a bright red criss-cross of beams filled the room. It looked like a 3-D map of New York. A network of lasers covered every part of the s.p.a.ce, wall to wall and floor to ceiling. Anything that might possibly get into the room certainly wouldn't get very far without breaking one of the beams. I didn't need the alarm to be triggered again to tell me that.

'Cameras?' I enquired.

'On the wall,' came the reply and he pointed to a lens that tracked back and forth across the room. 'It scans the room constantly and the output is monitored from our security centre, which you may visit shortly. The entire system is controlled via this keypad here.' He pointed to the unit on the wall. 'It is activated every night at ten and disabled again at seven each morning. All access is monitored and recorded. On the night of the...ah...disappearance none of the systems were deactivated, the cameras showed nothing else in the room and the lasers weren't triggered. It is most intriguing.'

Intriguing wasn't the word I'd have used; downright baffling was the phrase that came into my head, but I suspected Aladdin was trying to maintain an outward demeanour of cool in keeping with his image.

'Has the camera footage been examined?' I asked.

'Yes,' said Aladdin. 'But it didn't show anything. On one sweep the lamp was there, on the next it was gone.'

'Well, just to be on the safe side, I'd like to have a look. Maybe something was missed.'

From the snort of indignation behind me, I a.s.sumed Gruff didn't agree with my supposition. Good.

Aladdin led me to the security centre. The footage from the previous night was loaded by the guard on duty and the tape forwarded to when the lamp vanished. The camera scanned the room from left to right and the lamp was clearly on its pedestal. When it tracked back on its next sweep the lamp was just as clearly gone, as Aladdin had claimed.

'See,' said Gruff in a very superior tone, as if challenging me to find something he'd missed. 'Now you see it; now you don't. Any ideas?'

Not being one to refuse a challenge, I asked for the footage to be replayed and studied the screen carefully, trying to spot anything out of place. On the fifth or sixth repeat, I saw it.

'Stop,' I exclaimed and the security guard immediately paused the tape. 'Look there, right at the base of the smaller pedestal. See?' I pointed to a tiny flash of light that sparkled briefly and disappeared almost immediately afterwards. 'Any chance of getting that enhanced?'

The guard worked his voodoo and magnified the picture.

'What is it, Mr Pigg?' Aladdin's face was so close to the screen, he blocked everyone else's view. 'I can't seem to make it out.'

I moved him gently aside and examined the camera footage carefully.

'If I didn't know better, I'd say it was a micro camera, the kind they use in hospitals to have a poke around people's insides,' I said when I had the opportunity for a closer look.

'But what the h.e.l.l is it doing inside the display stand? It's solid marble.'

I was obviously putting two and two together and getting four slightly faster than the othersalthough in Gruff's case I suspected that he was only able to get to three with great difficulty and the help of crayons. It seemed to me that if the thieves couldn't drop into the room or walk across it without setting off any alarms, there was only one other method of entry for any creative burglara method that demanded incredible technique and no small amount of nerve.

I looked at Aladdin. 'I think I need to have a closer look at the room,' I said.

'But of course,' replied Aladdin and we walked back to the study.

As Gruff deactivated the alarm system again I noticed something else.

'Hold it,' I said. 'Turn it on again.'

As the red beams criss-crossed the room again, I pointed to the pedestal. 'Notice how the beams don't actually cross the area where the lamp was? If the lamp was taken, it wouldn't set off the alarm.'

'That's a crock,' sneered Gruff. 'No one can actually get to the lamp without breaking a beam or standing on the floor. How do you think they entered the roomthey teleported in?'

'Maybe they didn't,' I said. 'Disable the lasers again so I can have another look.'

Once the alarm was off I walked towards the pedestal. A gla.s.s dome that didn't look as if it had ever been touched, let alone lifted, covered the top of the pedestal and was firmly clamped to the base. I was obviously in top detecting mode today as, when I looked at the surface of the pedestal through the gla.s.s, I could see what looked like a few tiny grains of saltalmost invisible to the human eye; but then again, I'm not human.

'Can you disable the clamps on the gla.s.s and turn the lights on full please?' I asked.

More b.u.t.tons were pressed, and the clamps disengaged loudly. The lights came up to full strength as, very carefully, I lifted the gla.s.s dome off and put it gently on the floor. As I examined the pedestal Aladdin came up behind me.

'What do you see?' he asked.

'I'm not sure,' I replied, as I leaned in towards the pedestal for a more detailed examination. 'It may be nothing but...'

I picked up some of the grains and put them on my tongue. They weren't salt; they were tiny grains of sand. I looked more closely at the pedestal. Ever so gently I pushed the velvet stand. It slid easily to one side, revealing a gaping hole underneath.

'What in the blazes is this?' exclaimed Aladdin.

'Clearly, when your thieves couldn't access the room from above or through the walls, they went under. They used the micro camera to check when the surveillance system on the wall was sweeping the room and stole the lamp when it was off-camera.'

'But who could have done this and where does the hole go?'

'I don't know who, but that's what you've employed me to find out,' I replied. 'As to the where, I don't know that yet, either, but I think I know someone who can help me work it out.'

4.

It's Off to Work We Go!.

'You mean you want me to climb down there to see where it goes? Cool.'

Jack Horner was clearly excited by his new Apprentice Gumshoe role as he gazed into the hole. As Tom Thumb was out of town on a small vacation (sorry!), he was my next and only other choice, seeing as the hole was too small to allow anyone else to climb into it. After a.s.suring an understandably concerned mother that he would come to no harm, she had reluctantly allowed him to come with me.

'No heroics, Jack,' I told him. 'Just follow the tunnel until we can find out where it comes out.' I pointed to the equipment he was wearing. 'The rope is for safety, the torch will light your way and the little gadget on your belt is a tracker. We can follow you wherever you go. You can talk to us with this.' I handed him a walkie-talkie.

'Will there be monsters down there?' he asked.

'I doubt that very much,' I said, as I checked the rope one more time and lifted him up onto the pedestal. He seemed disappointed at my response.

'Ready?' I asked. He nodded in reply.

'OK then, here we go.'

He stood on the pedestal, looked into the hole again and prepared for his descent. Slowly, he made his way down until he was holding on to the edge by his fingertips. He glanced at me, nodded that he was ready and then let go. I took the strain and lowered him down carefully, as much to avoid any back injury on my part as for his own safety. It didn't take long for him to reach the bottom.

'There's a pa.s.sage leading away but I don't see any daylight.' His voice came through clearly on my walkie-talkie. 'I'm walking along it now.'

'OK Jack,' I said. 'Follow it slowly but be careful.'

After a few minutes I could hear a strange noise on the walkie-talkie.

'Jack? Are you OK?'

'Yeah, why?'

'I'm hearing some odd noises on the walkie-talkie.'

'Oh, that's just me singing,' Jack replied. 'I do it sometimes to pa.s.s the time when I'm walking.'

'Uh, right.' Was this kid afraid of anything?

'I've come to a turn in the tunnel,' he said after a few more minutes. 'It bends to the left.'

From the signal on the tracker screen, he looked to be outside the house now.

'OK Jack,' I said. 'Keep going. Can you see daylight now?'

The Third Pig Detective Agency Part 1

If you are looking for The Third Pig Detective Agency Part 1 you are coming to the right place. The Third Pig Detective Agency is a Webnovel created by Bob Burke. This lightnovel is currently completed.

The Third Pig Detective Agency.

Bob Burke.

To Gem, for believing.

1.

A New Client.

It was another slow day in the office. Actually, it had been a slow week in the office. No, if the truth be known, it had been a lousy month for the Third Pig Detective Agency. That's me by the way: Harry Pigg, the Third Pig.

Where did the name come from? Well, I was the pig that built the house out of bricks while my idiot brothers took the easy route and went for cowboy builders and cheap materials. Let me tell you, wood and straw ain't much use when Mr Wolf comes calling. Those guys were pork-chops as soon as he drew in his first breath and filled those giant lungs of his. Blow your house down, indeed.

And while we're on the subject, don't believe what you read in those heavily edited stories you find in children's books of fairy tales saying how the wolf fell down the chimney into the pot, scalded his tail, ran out of the house and was never seen again. When that wolf came down my chimney and into that boiling saucepan, I screwed the lid on and made sure it stayed on by weighing it down with a few spare bricks (never throw anything away, you never know when it could come in useful). He didn't do too much huffing and puffing then.

'Little pig, little pig, let me come out,' he'd begged in a scared whimper.

'Not by the hair on my...' I began, but then gave up. I just couldn't come up with something clever to rhyme with 'I won't let you out' so I just left it. Hey, I can't come up with a witty reply every time.

By the time the pot went quiet and I opened it again all that was left was some sc.u.mmy hair floating on the surface and boneslots of bones. The little dog sure laughed a lot that day. He hadn't seen that many broken bones since the cow's first attempt to jump over the moon, and they'd kept him in three square meals a day for over a week.

After that I was kind of a cult hero. Apart from that Red Riding Hood dame, no one else had ever come out on top in a skirmish with the Wolf family sol became a local celebrity. After the usual civic receptions and TV appearances, I decided to capitalise on my new-found fame and become a detective. Well, why not? Someone needs to do it and there's always an opening for a good one.

At first business was booming. I was the one who not only found those two missing kids, Hansel and Gretel, but I also fingered them for the murder of that sweet old woman in the gingerbread house. Their story was too pat: wicked old lady plans to eat the kids, only way out was to kill her; you know the drill. In my book their story stank. Two kids, a house made of gingerbread and an old dear whose only crime was to get in the way. It was always going to end in tearsprimarily hers.

As I said, I was on the pig's back (excuse the pun) for a while but then things kind of dried up. No one seemed to want the services of a good detective agency and, with the exception of the kids in Hamelin (which wasn't even one of my cases), there didn't even seem to be too many missing persons any more. The bills were mounting up. Gloria, my bovine receptionist, hadn't been paid in a month. Even her legendary patience was wearing thin. And no, before all you politically correct fairy tale readers get on my case, I'm not casting any aspersions on her looks; she really is a cow and the meanest typist in Grimmtown (even with the hoofs). Unless I got a big caseand soonI was going be neck-deep in apple sauce and Gloria would be back to cheerleading for the Lunar Leapers Bovine Acrobatics Team. Things were most definitely not looking good.

But I digress (a little). On this particular slow day I was sitting in my office (cheap furniture, lousy decor, creaky wooden flooryou know the type) with my rear trotters on my desk, trying to work out 5 down. 'Sounds like fierce brothers in the fairy tale world. Five letters ending in 'm'. Hmmm.' I mulled this over while nibbling the end of my pen. Crosswords really weren't my strong suit.

As my creative juices attempted to flow I became aware of voices in the outer office. Voices meant more than one person, so Gloria either had a debt-collector or a potential customer on her handsand there was no one in town more adept at evading debt-collectors than me. Once I heard her say, 'Mr Pigg is quite busy at present, but I'll see if he can squeeze you in', it meant an obviously discerning client wished to utilise my services. I swung my trotters off the desk, smoothed down my jacket as best I could and tried to look busy while squashing the newspaper into the wastebasket with my left trotter.

The intercom buzzed.

'Mr Pigg,' crackled Gloria's deep, husky voice. 'There is a gentleman here to see you. Should I get him to make an appointment?'

As my diary was conspicuously blank for the foreseeable future I figured that my need for hard cash far outweighed any need to impress a potential punter. I pressed the intercom b.u.t.ton.

'I can see the gentleman now, Gloria,' I said. 'Please send him in.' I stood up to meet my potential cash cow.

Through the opaque gla.s.s in the connecting door, I could see a large shape making its way through reception and towards my office. The door slowly opened and an oriental gentleman the size and shape of a zeppelin entered. He was wearing a silk suit, the amount of cloth of which would have made easily the most expensive marquee tent in history, and he was weighed down with enough gold to pay off all of my debts for the next twenty years. His shiny black hair was pulled back from his forehead and tied in a long plait that stretched all the way down his back to a voluminous rear end. The guy exuded wealthand I hadn't failed to notice it. If this were a cartoon, dollar signs would be going 'ka-ching' in my eyes.

It was time to be ultra-smooth, ultra-polite and ultra-I'm-the-best-detective-you're-ever-likely-to-meet-and-you-will-be-eternally-grateful-for-employing-me.

I extended my trotter, 'Mr?'

'Aladdin,' he replied, grasping my trotter in a grip like a clam's. 'Just call me Mr Aladdin.'

Although I didn't recognise him, of course I had heard of Aladdin. Everyone in Grimmtown had. He was probably the most famous and most reclusive of our many eccentric citizensand quite possibly the richest. Rumour had it he owned half of the town but very few people had seen him in recent years, as he preferred to live behind closed doors in a huge mansion in the hills.

His story was the stuff dreams (at least other people's dreams) were made of. He had started off working in a local laundry. After a few years he bought out the owner although no one knew, despite much speculation and rumour, where the money had come from. Over the years his business had expanded (as had he) and he had begun to diversify. Apart from the chain of laundries he had built up, he owned bars, restaurants, department stores, gas stations and most local politicians. The key word in the above description is, of course, 'richest'. If Mr 'Just call me' Aladdin wanted to employ my services, it would be most churlish of me to turn him downespecially if he was prepared to throw large wads of cash in my direction.

Ka-ching! Ka-ching!

I took a deep breath and prepared to tell my new best friend how wonderful I was and how he had showed exceptional judgement in availing himself of my services.

'Mr Aladdin, how may I be of service?'

That's me: cool and straight to the point. Inside, my mind was screaming, 'Show me the money', and I was trying not to dance on the table with joy.

Mr Aladdin looked carefully at me, raised his left hand and snapped his fingers.

'Gruff,' he said. 'My bag, please.'

Someone, hidden up to now by his employer's large ma.s.s, walked out from behind him carrying a large leather, and undoubtedly very expensive, briefcase. My heart sank. Things had just started taking a turn for the worse. It always happens to me. Just when I think things can't get any better, they inevitably don't and take another downward slide into even more unpleasantness. Aladdin's employee was a st.u.r.dy white goat. Not just any goat however, this was a Gruff. And, unless I was very much mistaken, he was the eldest Gruff.

The Gruffs were three brothers who had come to town a few years ago. After sorting out a little (well big, actually) troll problem we were having at a local bridge (a trollbridge, if you will), they had decided to stay and give the town the benefit of their 'unique' skill setwhich usually involved threats, intimidation and the carrying of blunt instruments. Starting out as bouncers at 'Cinders', one of Grimmtown's least reputable clubs, they had subsequently branched out into more profitable (and much less legal) operations. Whether it was smuggling live gingerbread men across the border or evicting the old lady in the shoe for not paying the rent, the three billy goats Gruff were usually involved in some capacity.

Eventually the eldest brother had distanced himself from the day-to-day operations of the family business. I'd heard he'd gone into consultancy of a sort usually described as 'security', but not much had been seen of him recently. Now I knew why. If he was employed by this particular client, I suspected he worked for him to the exclusion of any others. Mr Aladdin was that kind of employer; apart from total commitment, it was rumoured he also demanded total secrecy from his staff. If Gruff was involved, it stood to reason that there were some less than legal factors of which I was yet to be made aware.

Wonderful!

Gruff handed the briefcase to his boss and looked me up and down.

'I don't like you,' he sneered.

I shrugged my shoulders. 'You don't like most people.'

'But I especially don't like pigs.'

'Well then, perhaps you'd be more comfortable somewhere elsean empty shoe, a prison cell, maybe propping up abridge somewhere?'

Snarling, he made to move towards me but his employer restrained him with a large and heavily bejewelled hand. With that amount of rings on his fingers it was a wonder he actually had the strength to lift it.

'Gentlemen, please. Enough of this petty squabbling! Gruff, keep an eye on the door, will you? There's a good goat.'

Reluctantly the goat backed towards the door, never taking his eyes off me. I met his gaze all the way. No goat was going to outstare me.

Happy that his employee was a safe (or at least a less-threatening) distance away, Aladdin turned towards me.

'Might we continue?' he said.

'Of course,' I replied, returning to my chair while, at the same time, ensuring that a large and heavy desk was strategically placed between a highly unstable goat and me. Picking up a letter opener in as non-intimidating a fashion as possible, I began to clean my front trotters and looked expectantly at Aladdin.

'Mr Pigg,' he began. 'You have a reputation as a manI apologise, of course I mean pigwho not only gets results but knows when to be discreet.'

I nodded politely at the compliment.

'In my experience, an indiscreet detective doesn't stay in business too long,' I pointed out.

'Nevertheless,' he continued, 'in this particular instance, discretion is of paramount importance. I must insist that you do not discuss what I am about to reveal with anyone other than my a.s.sociate Mr Gruff, and me.'

I nodded, wondering what was going to come next.

Opening the briefcase, Aladdin took out a large sheet of paper. 'I have recently mislaid an item of immense personal value and I wish you to locate it for me.'

He handed the sheet of paper to me. I looked at it with interest. It was a photograph of a very old and very battered lamp.

'It's a lamp,' I said, stating the blindingly obvious.

'Not just any lamp,' said Aladdin. 'This is a family heirloom and one which I am most anxious to have located as soon as possible.'

'Where was it mislaid?' I asked.

'It was last seen in a display cabinet in my study. Last night it was most definitely there; this morning it was gone.'

'Lost? Stolen? Melted down and sold for sc.r.a.p? Can you be a little more specific?' I looked at the picture again. The lamp didn't look up to much. It was about the size of a gravy boat, coloured an off-shade of gold and had more dents than the Tin Man. I clearly needed more information.

'I...ah...suspect it may have been stolen but I am unable to prove this at present.'

'Have you spoken to the police?'

Again, rumour had it that local law enforcement was more akin to Aladdin's private security force than public servants. If anyone could locate an artifact of this nature quickly and with a minimum of fuss, it was them. In all likelihood, their jobs would depend on it.

Aladdin looked at me carefully. 'The police have been more than helpful but, at this time, they have neither a suspect nor a specific line of inquiry. It is my firm belief that someone of your talents might be of more use in this particular instance.'

'Because?' I enquired.

'Because, as I have already mentioned, you can be discreet. I think that perhaps you can exploit particular avenues of inquiry that may be outside the scope of the law and you have your snout in all the right information troughsforgive the a.n.a.logy, I mean no offence.'

'None taken,' I replied. Offended or not, I wasn't going to abandon this client just yet, certainly not on the basis of a less than politically correct a.n.a.logy. 'However, I don't normally take on cases that are still under investigation by the police.'

'Trust me,' came the very smooth reply. 'The police have exhausted all avenues and will not bother you during the course of your investigation.'

In other words they'd come up with nothingor at least n.o.body they could pin the theft on. Either that or this lamp was something that Aladdin would prefer not having the police involved with. This case stank higher than an abattoir in a heatwaveand I should know, my office looks out on one and it wasn't a nice place to be in the summer.

My only question now was should I take this particular case on? If the lamp had been stolen, chances were that someone with more than a pa.s.sing grudge towards Aladdin had taken it. By extension, they were probably not nice people. Not nice people didn't normally worry mein my line of work I come across quite a fewbut I suspected this particular category of not nice people probably wouldn't have too many qualms about serving me up for breakfast along with some scrambled eggs. I decided cowardice was the better part of valour in this instance.

'Mr Aladdin, I'm flattered that you saw fit to choose the Third Pig Detective Agency but I don't think I'm in a position to take you on at the moment. My caseload is somewhat heavy.'

He looked at me extremely carefully. 'I think, perhaps, you might reconsider,' he said, very quietly but very ominously.

'No, really. It's just not possible right now. I am sorry.'

Aladdin turned to his henchgoat. 'Mr Gruff?'

Gruff opened the briefcase again and took out a large folder which he handed to his employer. He was smiling at me as he did so.

Aladdin opened the folder and began to flick through the pages. 'Mr Pigg, what I have here, among other things, are your last six bank statements, a number of bills from certain of your suppliersmost of which are, apparently, very overdueand a number of demands for rent, which seems considerably in arrears. Your former landlord seems particularly unhappy with you.'

I was about to launch into a robust defence of my financial situation, which would include claims of invasion of privacy, how unjust certain of my suppliers were in their demands and how things weren't actually as bad as they looked, when the last part of his statement suddenly sunk in.

'Former landlord?' I said.

'Oh yes, didn't I mention? As of...' he glanced at his watch, 'forty-five or so minutes ago, I now own this building. You appear to owe me quite an amount of rent.' He handed the folder back to Gruff. 'Shall I have Mr Gruff here organise for collection? I do believe he is a most effective debt-collector. I certainly haven't had any complaints about his methods.'

That sealed it for me. I could have lived with owing half of Grimmtown money and having Aladdin as my new landlord, but I wasn't going to give the goat the satisfaction of coming around with a large baseball bat to collect any outstanding rent.

With as much dignity as I could muster, I caved in.

'Mr Aladdin, you are a most persuasive client. I a.s.sume you would like me to start immediately?'

Aladdin smiled at me. It was the kind of smile that suggested one of his grandparents was a shark.

'Delighted to hear it. If you need anything, Mr Gruff will be more than happy to accommodate you.'

I decided to make Gruff suffer a bit. 'I'd like to see where you kept the lamp. Can your goat make himself available to show me around?'

The expression on Gruff's face at this comment suggested that he'd sooner play catch with dynamite. Hey, it was a small victory but I had to take 'em where I got 'em. Aladdin was heading for the door. Barely looking over his shoulder he askedno, toldme to call at the house at twelve the next day and Gruff would show me around.

As the door closed behind him I sank back down into my chair and exhaled loudly. My client was now my landlord. He was missing something that he wanted to get back badly. He wanted little or no involvement with the law and, for reasons known only to himself, he had chosen me rather than any of the other detectives operating in town to do the recovery. Sometimes I just got all the breaks.

'Oh Harry, Harry, Harry,' I breathed. 'What kind of mess have you gotten yourself into now?'

2.

Come Blow Your Horn.

If television is to be believed, we detectives have contacts everywhere. All it takes is a quick phone call to Izzy or Sammy or Buddy and, hey presto, there it isinformation at your fingertips. Barmen, bouncers, paperboys, waitresses; you name them, your average detective has them in his little black book. They have their ears to the ground and are always willing to give exactly the information you're looking for exactly when you need it, in return for a small fee.

Wrong!

Forget what you see on TV. Most detectives I know, myself included, can muster up one informant if we're really lucky; usually unreliable, rarely cheap and never around when you want them. My particular source of 'useful' information was a lazy former shepherd. He had got himself into a spot of bother whenafter falling asleep on the job one dayhis flock had disappeared. Blacklisted and unable to hold down any other kind of agricultural employment, he eked out a living playing the trumpet in some of the town's cheaper bars. He usually then spent the money drinking in the same bars. When people talked of someone with his ear to the ground they meant literally in his case. He did get around, however, and if something was going on in town, there was always the remote possibility he might have heard about it. More than likely, however, he hadn't.

The Teesdale Angler Part 8

If you are looking for The Teesdale Angler Part 8 you are coming to the right place. The Teesdale Angler is a Webnovel created by R. Lakeland. This lightnovel is currently completed.

ON EARLY RISING IN CONNECTION WITH ANGLING PURSUITS.

Thousands of the dwellers in "the modern Babylon," and indeed in all large cities and towns, never saw the splendour of a rising sun. Tens of thousands never heard the sylvan choristers performing their morning's concert, filling with their melody, nature's own, the woods and groves wherein these feathered songsters "sport, live, and have their being." Whilst millions of men are sunk in the arms of "the drowsy G.o.d." What is the angler about, has he slept soundly, and then awoke in the very nick of time? Or have his slumbers been somewhat broken and disturbed by dreams of crafty old Trout? No matter, he is astir, he has pocketed his tackle, and not neglected something for the inner man; rod and net in hand, he is off and away frequently before, but seldom later, than the rising lark proclaims with joyous notes the coming day; full well, he knows the advantages of an early move during the Summer months; the morning is all in all, the best part of the day to him; so, buoyant with hope he progresses at an easy rate towards the scene of his triumphs, or disappointments, as the case may be. An angler of early habits during the Summer months sees a great deal of animated nature, and ought to know as much of the habits of birds, animals, insects, &c., as any man. At early morn the great volume of nature lies open for his inspection, if he be intelligent and curious, he will soon become a naturalist, whether his path leads through the woods, the lowlands, or over the uplands, he is pretty sure to meet with something to gratify, instruct and amuse. Independent of the varied attractions of nature, the early rising angler always has the best Summer sport. Large fish invariably feed more freely in the morning than during any other portion of the day, evenings occasionally excepted; he also avoids the greater heat by getting home a.m., indeed after twelve o'clock on a Summer's day your shadow falls more or less upon the water, and scares the fish. Independent of that, they usually cease to feed by that time.

OVER PRESERVATION, AND OTHER CAUSES THAT TEND TO MAKE TROUT SMALL AND SCARCE.

In streams where piscatorial rights are cherished, and protected to their fullest extent, Trout are frequently found to be much smaller, than might naturally be supposed; the fact is, that in good breeding waters strictly preserved, Trout soon become so numerous that the supply of food is inadequate to their wants; a state of things which in rural parlance is termed, as having more stock than the pasture will carry; a numerical reduction, to some extent in such streams is therefore extremely beneficial. Better fish are sometimes met with in free waters than in preserves, solely because they have had abundance, and variety of food. In all moor becks, plenty of small Trout are found; such waters are excellent for breeding, but as very little nutriment comes from peat or waste lands, they are generally dwarfish in size, and moderate in flavour. On the contrary, in small streams running through a fertile soil, fish are frequently killed of a most satisfactory size and weight. In rapid rivers the beds of which are formed of limestone rock, Trout are upon an average, not of a size acceptable to an angler who scouts the idea of a 1/4 lb fish. In such rivers they get knocked about very much during heavy floods, and the rapidity with which the streams carry away the feed, either at top or bottom, is against them.

In North Yorkshire and Durham, where many Trouting streams are recipients of the washing of the refuse ore of the lead mines, commonly called hush, fish are not either so plentiful, or near the average size they used to be, when the hush was not so prevalent as it is at present. The hush must certainly be injurious to all kinds of fish, and I think it very probable that the young fry suffer very much from it, even to the extent of being in some instances completely destroyed by it. But there are other causes, independent of hush, &c., why fish are generally smaller in size and number than they used to be in "the days of old." An increasing population has visibly increased the number of anglers, and also of parties making use of most destructive wholesale methods of taking fish, to which any amount of angling is indeed comparatively harmless. Angling clubs conducted with energy and liberality have in some places repressed nefarious practices, and some rivers are coming round again, that previous to the protective system were nearly cleaned out.

The artificial production of Trout and Salmon, has of late years been tried with success. Those who are curious and interested in pisciculture may obtain a pamphlet on the artificial production of fish by Piscarius, published by Reeve & Co., Henrietta Street, Covent Garden, London.

ANGLING IMPEDIMENTS.

The weather may be propitious, the humour of the fish charming, two capital items, that can only now and then be inserted in an angler's diary; but some things may occur to spoil a day's diversion, commenced even under the most favourable auspices; for instance, let us suppose that a man (who whilst "realizing the charms of solitude") is nevertheless carefully and cautiously fishing with success in a clear low water; how great then must be his vexation, and disappointment, when he sees looming in the distance a rod, and net, the owner of which is soon distinctly visible. It does not require a moment's consideration as to what he must now do; he must either give up fishing for that day, or seek some fresh ground, because any person coming fishing down a low water, or even walking close to the banks of it, scares the fish to such an extent, that making for their holds, they will probably remain there for some hours. My object in reference to the above suppositious statement (which many anglers will find too often a reality) is to demonstrate to the inexperienced, what very meagre sport any one must have in a clear, low water, previously fished on the same day.

Reversing the case, that is to say, a day or two after a flood, and when of course there is plenty of water, and also, when fish are not so soon alarmed and disturbed; I hold even then, first come first served, to be the order of the day; for when fish are inclined to feed, any person in advance of you has a decided advantage, and particularly so, should he be either trolling, or worm fishing. In wide rivers however, you may (owing perhaps to a feed coming on) have excellent diversion where a person who has preceded you half an hour, or so, has had but indifferent success. If there is only plenty of water, companionship is admissable, though I am inclined to suppose that (under all circ.u.mstances) a solitaire has a decided advantage; for this reason, that two or more persons, get over the ground far too quickly, and do not fish in that true, steady, and careful way, they perhaps would do if alone; just whipping the stream here and there, hurrying over the ground, and so spending probably half their time in walking, instead of fishing; but in free waters, where anglers are sometimes as thick as blackberries, and a man cannot do as he likes, the "go ahead" system often proves the best. Some way or other there is generally some sport to be had in streams, free from hush, but many rivers are daily subject to it, causing great interruption, to say nothing of total stoppage to angling pursuits for many successive days. Slight hushes, when the water is low, are so far serviceable, that by partially discolouring the water, fish take the artificial fly, especially the Black Midge, more boldly than they would do if the water remained clear. Taken altogether, the hush undoubtedly levies a considerable tax on the patience of those anglers who fish in its vicinity.

BARNARD CASTLE AS AN ANGLING STATION.

I beg to offer a few observations to strangers in reference to Barnard Castle as an angling station. The facilities offered by a railway, the beautiful local scenery, the fishing, and the excellent accommodations to be had at reasonable charges, are all attractive considerations for Tourists and Anglers, who will find Barnard Castle a central, pleasant, and convenient place of abode, during any length of time they may please to devote to angling or other recreations. Barnard Castle is particularly well adapted for an angling station; the river Tees is in close proximity to the town, the river Greta distant only about three miles, and there are several other good streams within easy distances.

Gentlemen who obtain leave from W. S. Morritt, Esq., to fish in that portion of the Greta which is strictly preserved, abounding in Trout, and encompa.s.sed by those woods and banks alluded to in _Scott's Rokeby_, will find the Inn kept by Mr. Ward, Greta Bridge, very comfortable and convenient. A good day's sport may be had above Bowes; when there happens to be too much water for angling purposes, some few miles lower down.

WEATHER SIGNS AND CHANGES.

_Mists._--A white Mist in the evening over a meadow with a river, will be drawn up by the sun next morning, and the day will be bright; five or six Fogs successively drawn up portend rain; when there are lofty hills, and the mist which hangs over the lower lands draws towards the hills in the morning, and rolls up to the top, then it will be fair, but if the mist hangs upon the hills, and drags along the woods, there will be rain.

_Clouds._--Against much rain the clouds grow bigger and increase very fast, especially before thunder. When the clouds are formed like fleeces, but dense in the middle and bright towards the edges, with a bright sky, they are signs of frost, with hail, snow or rain. If clouds breed high in the air, with white trains like locks of wool, they portend wind, probably rain. When a generally cloudiness covers the sky, and small black fragments of clouds fly underneath, they are sure signs of rain, and probably it may last some time. Two currents of air always portend rain, and in Summer, thunder.

_Dew._--If the dew lies plentifully upon the gra.s.s after a fair day, it is a sign of another; if not, and there is no wind, rain must follow. A red evening shews fine weather, but if it spread too far upwards from the horizon in the evening, and especially in the morning, it fortells wind or rain, or both. When the sky in rainy weather is tinged with sea green, the rain will increase; if with blue, it will be showery.

_Heavenly Bodies._--A haziness in the air which fades the sun light and makes the orb appear whiteish or ill defined, or at night if the moon and stars grow dim and a ring encircles the former, rain will follow.

If the Sun's rays appear like Moses' horn, white at setting or shorn of his rays, or goes down into a bank of clouds in the horizon, bad weather may be expected. If the moon looks pale and dim, rain may be expected; if red, wind; and if her natural colour, with a fair clear sky, fine weather; if the moon is rainy throughout, it will clear at the change, and perhaps the rain return a few days after. If fair throughout, and rain at the change, the fair weather will probably return at the fourth or fifth day.

_Wind._--If the wind veers much about, rain is certain; in changing, if it follows the course of the sun, it brings fair weather; the contrary, foul; whistling of the wind is a sure sign of rain.

_Meteors._--The Aurora Borealis after warm days is generally succeeded by cooler air; shooting stars are supposed to indicate rain.

_Animals._--Before rain, swallows fly low; dogs grow sleepy and eat gra.s.s; waterfowl dive much; fish will not bite; flies are more than ordinary troublesome; toads crawl about; moles, ants, bees and insects are very busy; birds fly low for insects; swine, sheep and cattle are uneasy; and it is not without its effect on the human frame.

_Weather Table._--The following table, ascribed to Dr. Herschel, and revised by Dr. Adam Clark, constructed upon philosophical consideration of the sun and moon, in their several positions respecting the earth, and confirmed by experience of many years actual observation, furnishes the observer without further trouble, with the knowledge of what kind of weather may be expected to succeed, and that so near the truth, that in a very few instances will it be found to fail.

_Observation by Dr. Kirwan._--When there has been no particular storm about the time of the Spring Equinox (March 21st); if a storm arises from the east on or before that day, or if a storm from any point of the compa.s.s arise near a week after the Equinox, then in either of these cases the succeeding Summer is generally dry four times in five, but if the storm arises from the S.W. or W.S.W. on or just before the Spring Equinox, then the Summer following is generally wet five times in six.

WEATHER TABLE.

+----------------------------------------------------------+ NEW & FULL MOON. IN SUMMER. +----------------------------+-----------------------------+ If it be New or Full Moon, or the Moon entering into the first or last quarter at 12 at noon or between 12 and 2 Very Rainy 2 and 4 in the Afternoon Changeable 4 and 6 Evening Fair 6 and 8 Fair if wind at N West, Rainy if S, or S. West 8 and 10 Ditto 10 and 12 Night Fair 12 and 2 Morning Ditto 2 and 4 Morning Cold with frequent showers 4 and 6 Morning Rain 6 and 8 Morning Wind and Rain 8 and 10 Morning Changeable 10 and 12 Morning Frequent Showers +----------------------------+-----------------------------+

+----------------------------------------------------------+ NEW & FULL MOON. IN WINTER. +----------------------------+-----------------------------+ If it be New or Full Moon, or the Moon entering into the first or last quarter at 12 at noon or between 12 and 2 Snow and rain 2 and 4 in the Afternoon Fair and Mild 4 and 6 Evening Fair 6 and 8 Fair and Frosty, if wind at North or N. East, Rain or Snow, if South or S. West 8 and 10 Ditto 10 and 12 Night Fair and Frosty 12 and 2 Morning Hard frost unless wind South or S. West 2 and 4 Morning Snow and Storm 4 and 6 Morning Ditto 6 and 8 Morning Stormy Weather 8 and 10 Morning Cold Rain, if wind be West, Snow if East 10 and 12 Morning Cold with high wind +----------------------------+-----------------------------+

NOTICES OF RARE AND CURIOUS ANGLING BOOKS.

There exists a very rare and remarkable work, "_A Book of Angling or Fishing, wherein is shewed by conference with Scriptures, the agreement between the Fisherman, Fishes, and Fishing of both natures, spirituall and temporall, by Samuel Gardner, Doctor of Divinitie._"--"I will make you fishers of men."--Matt. IV. 19. London, printed for Thomas Pinfoot, 1606.

Walton tells the honest angler that the writing of his book was the recreation of a recreation; his motto on the t.i.tle page of his book was, "Simon Peter said let us go a fishing, and they said we also will go with thee"--John XXI. 3. This pa.s.sage is not in all the editions of the _Complete Angler_, but was engraven on the t.i.tle page of the first edition, printed in 1653.

Advertis.e.m.e.nt of Walton's angler, 1653. There is published a book of eighteenpence price, called "_The Compleat Angler, or Contemplative Man's Recreation, being a Discourse of Fish and Fishing, not unworthy the perusal._"

These works may now be considered as great bibliomaniacal curiosities.

ADDENDA.

It is altogether a mistake to suppose that large flies are required for large rivers; on the contrary, with the exception of the Palmers, small hackle flies will be found to answer best, these, together with the Black, Blue and Dun Midges, (Spring and Autumn excepted), have a decided advantage in general over dubbed or hackle winged flies. In small brooks after a flood, winged flies often kill well, those with Orange, Black, Crimson, and Yellow bodies are the best. Gra.s.s Hoppers, the Cabbage Caterpillar, the Breccan or Fern Clock, will all take Trout; but as there are other natural baits to be had at the time these are in season, which I have noted, and which are more to be depended upon, I have not given any special instructions as to the use of the above. The Gra.s.s Hopper and Caterpillar are tiresome baits to fish with, and more a matter of fancy than utility; the Breccan Clock found amongst fern, fished like the May-fly is the best of the lot, and at times kills pretty well. Having made no allusion in my work to Lake or Pond Fishing, I may now observe, that four flies upon a stretcher, one yard apart from each other, are sufficient for Ponds. On Lakes, fishing from a boat, you may have six or eight, or even more flies upon a stretcher. In Lake and Pond fishing, the Palmers and large winged flies are the best, particularly when there is a good curl upon the water; but when there is no wind stirring, the small hackle or very small winged flies will, as regards Ponds, be frequently found to kill much better than larger flies, particularly in mornings and evenings during Summer. As fly fishing and trolling are the only reliable angling means and devices for taking Trout in Lakes and Ponds, I have nothing further to add, than that a good rod and sound tackle are essential requisites.

FINIS.

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RODS.

The three distinguishing characteristics of a really good fly rod are strength, elasticity, and lightness, such rods are to be bought in the London tackle shops for a pound; these rods are perfect as three or four piece rods, but I much prefer one for my own use in only two pieces, such a rod is more readily put to, and taken from together than one consisting of three or more joints; not so liable to get out of order, and has a truer bend with it when subjected to pressure. I recommend a rod having a root 9 feet, and a top of 5 feet, making together 14 feet in length, as the most useful; a fir root, and top of good sound lance wood, well painted, ringed and varnished, makes a neat and serviceable rod. For trolling, your top should be stiff and strong.

For worm not so pliable as your fly top.

LINES.

Lines composed entirely of hair, are lighter on the water than those made of silk and hair mixed, perhaps the latter is the stronger line of the two, but it both carries more water and is more expensive. A winch line should be for Trout from 25 to 35 yards in length, and may be bought at all tackle shops, at the rate of a 1d., 1-1/2d. and 2d. per yard, according to quality; at so cheap a rate, it is scarcely worth while to make your own line, which you may do by the purchase of a little machine for twisting, or you may use goose quills, which is however but a slow and tedious process.

HOOKS.

The best hooks are Kendal, Limerick, and Carlisle; I prefer the Limerick for fishing the natural flies, they are all however very good.

Some anglers are partial to the Kirby bend, but perhaps you get better hold of your fish with the sneck bend hooks. If you purchase wholesale, you get 120 hooks for a shilling, if by retail at tackle shops, generally 6 a penny, or 72 for a shilling; so that wholesale you have about 50 more hooks for your money.

REMARKS ON FISHING GARMENTS.

With Cordings, Fishing Boots, and Macintosh Coat, you are weather proof; neither the water from above or below can affect you; by the aid of the boots you keep your feet perfectly dry, the coat enables you to continue fishing during the heaviest showers, and in Summer especially, when the flies and insects are beat down by such showers, the best of fish are then on the move; without the India Rubber Garment, you may get thoroughly wet in ten minutes. If you find shelter you probably loose some good sport, and if not, by continuing your fishing, you become so cold, wet, and exceedingly uncomfortable, that you generally deem it adviseable to proceed home with as little delay as possible.

When the day is fine, and the water repeller not needed, avoid light, or glaring colours; brown, green, or grey garments are most suitable, particularly when the water is low and clear.

HEALTH,--CAUTION.

If your feet are wet either in Spring or Summer, do not, if you regard your health, sit down above two or three minutes. You may frequently have occasion to wait some considerable time by the water side, looking out for the expected feed, and consequent rising of the fish; at such times keep walking about in preference to sitting, which is the best way to avoid catching cold. When you return home loose not a moment in changing your wet garments. Colds and Rheumatism are the pains and penalties anglers are liable to, who do not follow the above advice.

THE EYE, THE ONLY ACUTE FACULTY IN FISH.

Trout, however quick sighted they may be, are like all the finny tribe, supposed to be incapable of hearing, in consequence of the density of the element in which they exist. Water has long ago been proved to be a non-conductor of sound, and if fish are possessed of any faculty of the kind, it must be the dullest imaginable. From the h.o.r.n.y construction of the palate, their taste cannot be acute, and their sense of smelling (judging from the medium by which all odours are conveyed to them,) must be peculiarly defective. Taking the above suppositions to be correct, it is of course clearly apparent that they must be guided solely by the eye in the selection of their food; for instance, when fish are stupefied or fuddled as it is termed, I do not suppose their olfactory organs are affected by the berry or drugs, used to intoxicate or kill them. I am persuaded, that small b.a.l.l.s of paste or bread would, if offered to them at the same time, be devoured at precisely the same rate as those prepared with unguents or drugs.

The formation of fish is peculiarly adapted to water, through which they glide with the greatest facility; their motions being regulated by the fins and tail; the tail indeed being to the fish precisely what a rudder is to a ship. The air bladder in fish is another wise provision of nature, by means of it they can remain for a long time under water; still they must from time to time take in supplies, for if during a severe frost the ice be not broken on ponds, the fish therein would perish for want of air. Some fish are much more tenacious of life than others; Roach, Perch and Tench, have been conveyed alive, for stocking ponds, thirty miles, packed only in wet leaves or gra.s.s. One thing is quite certain as regards all fish, viz., that they live longer out of their natural element in cold than in hot weather. A clever invention for the transport of fish has come under my notice; an account of this machine may prove interesting to some persons, and therefore I insert it.

THE TRANSPORT OF TROUT AND GREYLING.

The Apparatus consists of a tin case, separated into two parts by an open work part.i.tion. In one of these the fish are placed, and in the other is fixed a mechanical contrivance for keeping up a considerable supply of air in the water.

In November, 1853, 33 Greylings were sent from the Wye at Rowley to the Clyde at Abington, a distance of about 250 miles with the loss of only two fish.

The Apparatus is composed of a zinc cylinder, about three feet high and two feet in diameter, with a strong iron handle running round the middle; to the top, a small force pump is attached, and by this fresh air is forced through a star shaped distributor at the bottom of the cylinder; a ring to bring the fish up for inspection, and a loose concave rim to prevent splashing over, complete it. A drawing with particulars was deposited with the Society of Arts, in London.

THE NATURAL ENEMIES OF FISH.

Fish have so many enemies that were it not for the millions of embryo or sp.a.w.n deposited by the female, the breed of Salmon and Trout (to say nothing of other species) would long since have become extinct. Eels, fish, birds, water rats, toads, frogs, and last but not least, the water beetle,[8] prey upon the ova, sp.a.w.n and young fry; floods also sweep away and leave on banks, or rocks, a considerable quant.i.ty of sp.a.w.n, which of course comes to nothing. Escaping the above perils and causalities, and arrived at maturity, they become the prey and food of the otter and heron, king's fisher, gull, &c., who emulate man in their destructive propensities. The larger fish also prey upon the smaller.

Luckily otters are not so numerous in any English river as they used to be. Night lines, shackle, rake and flood nets, and other devices not at all creditable to those who use them, and to which I shall not further allude, make terrible havoc amongst fish, and mar and spoil the fair and honest angler's sport, but in most rivers and brooks of Trouting celebrity, such practices are greatly on the wane. Proprietors will not sanction such wholesale destruction; and now almost universally adopts measures for the detection and punishment of such depredators.

[8] The water beetle is chiefly instrumental in conveying the sp.a.w.n of various kinds of fish to waters, where such species had previously been unknown.

LAWS RELATIVE TO ANGLING.

It would occupy too much s.p.a.ce to be diffuse in reference to angling laws; I shall therefore briefly observe that all persons discovered robbing fish ponds during the night, and all persons found poisoning fish are liable to transportation; all persons using nets, listers, snares or other unlawful devices, are liable to the forfeiture of such nets, &c., and also subject to a fine at the discretion of the magistrates before whom such offenders may be brought; and also, that any person angling in any brook or river without the permission of the proprietor or proprietors of such river or brook, is liable to a penalty as a trespa.s.ser, and also to the forfeiture of any fish he may have caught.

OBSERVATIONS IN REFERENCE TO THE EFFECT OF THE WEATHER ON FISH.

Your sport in angling, whether top or bottom, materially depends upon the state of the atmosphere. He who has paid some attention to the effects of weather on fish, knows pretty accurately the extent of the sport to be looked for, when the wind is in particular arts. An East or N. East wind shuts out all hope of diversion, whilst a Southerly or South West wind, is the wind of all winds for the angler. However, as fish must feed at some time, let the wind be as it will, an angler who is particularly in want of a few Trout, may succeed in obtaining small ones with the fly in an East or N. East wind, provided the wind has been in that quarter some days, and there is feed on the water. Any sudden change in the wind affects the fish, and they will sometimes give over, or begin to feed, on such changes taking place, just as it happens to veer into the wrong or right quarter. After white frosts in the Spring of the year, you need not expect much, if any sport. Frosty nights with bright sunny days following, accompanied with East or N.

East winds, are precisely those sort of days, when a man had better refrain altogether from attempting to take fish with the fly, or with any kind of bait. During the Summer months, the colder the wind blows, the better sport you will have with the artificial fly. On cold stormy days in Spring, with wind West or N. West, accompanied with heavy snow, rain, or hail showers, good fish are usually roving about, and then your sport is of the best. Either in Spring, or Summer,

"With a Southerly wind, and a cloudy sky, The angler may venture his luck to try."

WHAT CONSt.i.tUTES A GOOD FISHING DAY.

It is of the greatest consequence to acquire a correct estimate of what really const.i.tutes a good fishing day; and not put too much faith in the advice of the author who wrote an article on angling, which is published in _Brewster's Encyclopaedia_, who tells us to follow the example of the navigator, who does not wait for a favourable wind, but goes to sea at once, to seek for one; not to sit at home on the look out, but go to the river in all weathers. The three great essentials of a good Trouting day, are water, wind, and cloud, if there is a failure in all three, you are better at home, at least that is my humble opinion. If a deficiency or partially so in any, expect only moderate sport, but if all three are in unison, then you may fairly calculate on excellent diversion. There is nothing like a South West wind for holding forth a promise of a cloudy day. As to the water, the second day after a heavy fall of rain is often the best. The wind however sometimes (too frequently indeed) veers into the North West, or further on that day, and if the barometer rapidly rises at the same time, there will be too much sunshine; on the third, if the wind veers to the South West, the day will probably be too dark; for a dull day occurring about new and full moon, is seldom a good angling day. A man whose avocations do not permit him to angle in all weathers, will therefore do well to select a day, when the three great essentials of his sport, wind, water, and cloud, are in his favour.

NOTE.--An angler is so dependent on the weather that he should omit no opportunity of acquiring meteorological knowledge. Electric influences guide and coerce fish in a wonderful manner.

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You must for this kind of Angling, have a tolerably strong Rod and tackle, you may begin trolling about the middle of March, and continue to the end of October. The very best of fish are taken with the Minnow, it is an active bait to fish with, and keeps the Angler pretty well on the _qui vive_. When the water is in order, that is, after it is a little swollen and discoloured by recent rain, it frequently proves a most destructive bait, and will take Salmon as well as Trout. Those Anglers who are desirous of a few good fish, will find it their interest to use it on every suitable occasion, independent of the good fish to be had with it, it is next to fly fishing, the most animating and exciting method of angling. To make your Minnow spin well, one or two swivels should be used, attached to the gut, which should be about a yard in length and of fine and good quality. In fishing the Natural Minnow with two hooks, one of them must be large enough to pa.s.s through the body of the bait, going in at the mouth, and pa.s.sing out at the tail; the other, rather larger than a May-fly hook, should go through the under, and pa.s.s out at the upper lip. In trolling with only two hooks, be careful to give your fish time to gorge, otherwise by striking too quickly, you will miss your prize by pulling the bait out of his mouth. With three or more hooks, which is termed fishing at snap, you cannot strike too soon as the fish is generally caught by one of the loose hooks. If the fish you have hooked be not too heavy, the best plan is to land him at once by a quick and sudden jerk. In fishing the Minnow, if in still, deep water, let it sink a little at first, then draw it quickly towards you, making the bait spin well and briskly, which is effected by the swivel. In streams, especially if they be rapid, cast up and down, but chiefly athwart, by so doing your bait shows greatly to advantage. Trolling in the Tees is not much practised; the difficulty of procuring Minnows at the precise time when wanted, is I suppose the reason. But there are artificial Minnows which in heavy waters will kill well; those sold by Frederick Allies, South Parade, Worcester, and by Farlow, Tackle Maker, in the Strand, London, are excellent, the price for Trout reasonable, two shillings and six pence. The former is styled the Archimedean, the latter the Phantom Minnow, which collapses when struck by a fish. The best river I have ever trolled in, and I do not suppose there is a better in England, is the Eden, which takes its rise a few miles from Kirby Stephen, in Westmoreland, thence to Carlisle, and so seaward, running for the most part over a gravelly and sandy bottom, and full of good Trout, so that splendid sport may be had by trolling when the water is in proper order. The Greta is an excellent trolling stream, but the fish are not near the average weight of those in the Eden. It is not a bad plan when the water is low and fine, and Minnows are easily procured, because you may then see where they are, especially on a sunny day, to catch as many as you want, (which you may do, with small hooks baited with very small red worms,) and then cure them. Of course those cured are not so good and durable as the fresh, but still they are found to take fish very well. And thus provided with artificial and pickled auxiliaries, the indefatigable troller will never be brought to a stand. For what can be more provokingly annoying to an angler, than to have to leave off in the very midst of sport, merely for want of baits?

MAGGOTS

May easily be had; any description of flesh exposed to the sun is soon full of them, for choice I should prefer horse flesh; when sufficiently large they are an excellent bait for Trout; preserve them in tin case (with holes to admit air,) filled with bran, where they will scour a trifle and keep alive some days; when you fish with them, use a Palmer sized hook, and a single No. 5 shot corn, and when the water is as low or almost as much so as it well can be, your gut need not be leaded at all.

WASPS AND HUMBLE BEE GENTLES.

These Gentles are excellent for both Trout and Chub, preserve them the same way as Maggots, and use the same sized hook.

DOCKEN GRUB.

This grub is found, as it name indicates, at the roots of dockens: the body of it is somewhat similar to a Maggot, it is a good bait for Trout and Chub, and may be kept some time in a woollen bag containing fine sand; fish will often take it when they refuse the worm, you may begin to fish with it in February and continue to do so during the season.

Small May-fly hook and one No. 5 shot corn.

CREEPER,

Found underneath stones having a little water and gravel or sand underneath them, may be kept in a May-fly horn, but soon die for want of water; a good bait early and late, or in streams on a hot day. A No.

6 shot corn and May-fly hook, fished like the worm.

CADISS, OR CAD BAIT,

Found in brooks or rivers, encased in little straw or gravel husks: a curious little grub similar to a gentle in size, with a dirty yellow body and black head. Palmer sized hook, shot corn No. 6, or your hook slightly leaded on the upper part of the shank, round which have the hackle of a Landrail or dyed Mallard. Kills well with hackle when the water is slightly discoloured.

WORMS.

"You must not every Worm promiscuous use."--GAY.

The best for Spring fishing are the Marl or Meadow worms, the Gilt Tail, the Squirrel Tail and the Brandling, are excellent in Summer. A Lob Worm well scoured is a good bait early in the morning, either in Spring or Summer. When you fish with the Brandling, it is a killing way to have two on your hook, letting the head of the second Brandling hang a little way over the tail of the first, or you may put heads and tails together; always procure your worms, and put them to some good moss, some time before you want them; after three or four days, by adopting this method, they will be clean, bright and tough; a glazed earthen jar is the best thing to keep them in, and in Summer set your jar in as cool a place as possible; by attention in changing your moss every fourth day, or so, you may preserve and keep your worms a long time.

Moss from heaths and waste lands, is the best you can get; always be careful to pick from the moss all blades of gra.s.s, leaves, or dirt adhering thereto. Put your worms into water if you want them scoured quickly, and let them remain in it for twenty minutes or half an hour, they come out in an exhausted state, but soon recover on being put into good clean moss. Bole Armoniac will also scour them very speedily. As to gum ivy and ointment put to worms to entice fish, such practises I hold to be mere matters of fancy, and I do not deem it necessary to give instructions in reference thereto. It is my opinion only time and trouble thrown away, and you may depend upon this as a fact, that if fish will not take a bright clean worm, the addition of unguents will be found useless. As I have observed elsewhere, it is the eye and not the sense of smell (if they have any) which guides, influences, and directs fish in their choice of food.

You may breed worms in abundance by the aid of decayed vegetables and leaves, mixed with marl or any kind of soil; the Brandling or Red Worm are found in Pig's and other dung, also in Tanner's bark.

SALMON ROE.

Salmon Roe is such a destructive bait for nearly all kinds of fish, and Trout in particular, that I know nothing comparable to it. It is moreover a bait requiring but little skill in the use of it. After a flood, and before the water clears, is the best time for fishing with Roe. Log, or still water having a gravelly, or sandy bottom, is the place to be selected, and you may use three or four stiff rods, placed at convenient distances from each other. You can also have floats if you like, by doing so you will immediately perceive when you have a bite. It is a good plan previous to casting in your lines, to sound the depth of the water, which you may do easily enough with a string leaded for the purpose; because, it is of material consequence that your Roe should lie at, or very near the bottom of the water. A hook about the size of a Limerick May fly hook, is quite large enough to put your roe on, which should be in regard to size about that of a French Bean or marrow fat Pea.

Salmon Roe is cured and preserved by spreading it upon thin layers of cotton wool, pack the layers on each other and cover them tightly up, so as to exclude air; glazed jars covered with bladder over the tops of them are the best to keep your Roe in. When you want to use it, mix the Roe with a little wheaten flour and gum water, to cause adhesion to the hook. In concluding this notice of Roe, I cannot refrain from expressing a hope that gentlemen will abstain from the use of it. By the purchase of Roe they hold out a premium to Salmon poachers who annually destroy immense numbers of sp.a.w.ning fish solely for the sake of the Roe, the high price which it commands encourages them in their illegal pursuits. If there were no buyers of Roe there would soon be a visible increase of Salmon.

DYING FEATHERS FOR FLY MAKING.

For dying feathers use clear soft water; to strike the colour add to each pint of water a piece of alum about the size of a walnut; to dye white feathers yellow, boil them in onion peelings or saffron. Blue feathers by being boiled as above become a fine olive colour. To dye white feathers blue, boil them in Indigo, by mixing the blue and yellow together, and boiling feathers in the mixed liquid, they become green.

Logwood dyes lilac, or pink; to turn red hackles brown, boil them in copperas. To stain hair or gut for a dun colour, boil walnut leaves and a small quant.i.ty of soot in a quart of water for half an hour, steep the gut till it turns the colour you require. To stain gut or hair blue, warm some ink, in which steep for a few minutes, then wash in clean water immediately; by steeping hair or gut in the union dye, it will turn a yellowish green, and in gin and ink it becomes a curious water colour.

TO MAKE STRONG WHITE WAX.

To make strong white wax, take three parts of white rosin and one of mutton suet; let them simmer ten minutes or so over a slow fire, dropping in a small quant.i.ty of essence of lemon, pour the whole into a basin of clear cold water, work the wax through the fingers, rolling it up, and then drawing out until it is tough. It cannot be worked too much. By using this wax the pristine colours of the silk you use in fly making are preserved; common shoemakers wax soils the silk too much.

FISHING PANNIERS OR BASKETS.

The French Baskets are the neatest, lightest and most durable, being closely woven, they very much exclude the air, so that fish look better on being taken out of a pannier of that description; many of the English made fishing baskets, are only of clumsy construction, and have the fault of being too open in the weaving, admitting far too much air, whereby, particularly on windy days, your fish become dry and shrivelled.

LANDING NETS.

Landing nets round or square, are made of strong silk or best water twine cord. Those nets having a joint in the centre of the shank, are most convenient when travelling. It is not advisable to have too deep a net, as your flies become very often entangled in such a one, and cause much trouble and loss of time in extricating them; therefore a net that is sufficiently deep to hold a good fish without admitting a possibility of escape, is the kind of net you require.

WINCHES OR REELS.

Winches may be bought at all tackle shops, and of any size you wish. My remarks on them extend only to this, that they are very useful appendages to any rod, and give you great advantage over a good fish, enabling you to give line and play him as you like; should a breakage of your top or other part of your rod happen, you have it safe, being held by your reel line. A light winch that will hold from 25 to 35 yards of line is sufficient for Trout. A Salmon winch should be capable of holding from 50 to 80 yards of line.

GUT AND HAIR.

In selecting gut for Trout fishing, choose that which is round and fine. What is termed manufactured gut, may be had at most tackle shops, it is exceedingly fine but not durable, the best I ever met with was at Rowel's, at Carlisle, 1d. per length. Hair should be bright, round and strong, chestnut hair suits moss or discoloured waters, if you can procure hair of a light or bluish tint, that is the best of colours; both gut and hair should be wet when knotted.

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OCTOBER.

1. House Fly,--lark's quill feather,--light brown silk,--ribbed with dark Ostrich herl for body,--legs grizzled hackle. 2. Small Olive Blue,--wings Starling's feather stained with onion peelings,--yellow silk for body,--legs olive stained hackle. 3. Dark Grey Midge,--wings dark grey feather of a Partridge,--body brown silk,--legs grey Partridge hackle.

RED PALMER.

Body greenish herl of Peac.o.c.k,--ribbed with gold tinsel,--wrapt with red silk,--red hackle over all.

BLACK PALMER.

Body dark Peac.o.c.k's herl,--ribbed with gold tinsel,--green silk, black, brown or red hackle over all.

MAY FLIES.

THE YELLOW, GREY, AND GREEN DRAKES.

These flies, which are known as May flies, afford great sport. Trout and Greyling are so partial to them that they refuse all others during the time they are on the water, but they are not common to all rivers.

The Driffield, Derwent and other Yorkshire streams, have them in great abundance. The best chance with the artificial May fly, is when there is wind stirring sufficient to cause a pretty considerable curl on the water. The _Yellow Drake_ may be made in this way,--a Mallard's back feather dyed yellow; for wings, c.o.c.k's hackle dyed yellow; underneath the wings to make them stand upright, yellow camlet, ribbed with brown silk for body; tail, two hairs from Squirrel's tail. _Grey Drake_,--wings from Mallard's back feather, black c.o.c.k's hackle underneath; body sky blue camlet ribbed with copper coloured Peac.o.c.k's herl; tail from Squirrel. _Green Drake_,--same as yellow except the wings, which must be from a Mallard's feather dyed a yellowish green.

I have not deemed it requisite to introduce any ill.u.s.trations of flies, because I cannot conceive that any really beneficial results are obtainable by merely showing the difference on paper between natural and artificial flies. Catch the natural fly, imitate it as closely as possible; put your made fly into a tumbler of clear water, then if the size and the prevailing colours as to body and wings resemble your copy, you are all right. This appears to me the best comparative ill.u.s.tration.

I beg to suggest to those who have opportunity and leisure, that they might at the cost of a little trouble, make a collection of all the flies that come on the waters, where they are accustomed to angle. They are easily caught and preserved, and if cla.s.sed according to the months during which they were found, would be useful and interesting to themselves and friends, if only to refer to when manufacturing flies.

HOW TO MAKE A HACKLE FLY.

Take a hook of the required size, between the finger and thumb of your left hand, with the point towards the end of your finger, place the gut along the top of the shank, and with the silk bind them tightly together, beginning half way down the shank, and wrap the end, take two turns back again which will form the head of the fly; lay the feather along the hook, the point towards your left hand, and take three turns over it with the silk, clip off the points of the feather, and bind it neatly round till the fibre is consumed, bring the silk round the root of the feather to bind to the end of the tail of the fly. Cut off all superfluities and fasten off by the drawn knots, then with a needle trim the fibres and your fly is made.

TO MAKE A WINGED FLY.

Have your materials ready, wings silk &c., of the colour you require, then take a hook between the forefinger and thumb of your left hand, with the point towards your forefinger, place the gut at the top of the shank, and with the silk bind them tightly together, bind all tight within two or three turns of the shank of the hook. Take the feather for wings, lay the feather's point the proper length between your finger and thumb along the hook, and take two or three turns over it for the head of the fly, and bind the gut between the second and third fingers of your left hand, and with the scissors clip off the root end of the feather, wrap the silk back again once under the wings, setting them upwards; with the point of the needle divide equally the wings crossing the silk between them. Lay the hackle for legs, root end towards the bend of the hook, wrap your silk over it and so make the body of your fly, then take the fibre end of the hackle, rib the body of the fly neatly with it, till you reach the silk hanging down, wind the silk twice or thrice over the hackle, fasten with the usual knots, and your fly is complete.

MATERIALS REQUIRED FOR MAKING WINGED AND HACKLE FLIES.

In the manufacture of winged flies a great variety of feathers are required. Procure those of a Mallard, Teal, Partridge, especially the tail feathers; also, the wings of a Starling, Jay, Landrail, Waterhen, Blackbird, Fieldfare, Pheasant Hen, Pewitt's Topping, Peac.o.c.k's Herl, green and copper coloured, black Ostrich herl, Snipe, Dottrel, Woodc.o.c.k and golden Plover's wings, the tail feathers of the blue and brown t.i.tmouse, and also Heron's plumes. Dubbing is to be had from old Turkey Carpet, Hare ears, Water Rat's fur, Squirrel, Mohair, old hair cast from young cattle, of a red, blue, brown, black and fawn colour from behind a Spaniel's ears, and from the fur of a Mouse, and note, Martin's fur is the best yellow that can be had. In regard to Silks be careful to suit the colour of the silk (at least as much so as you possibly can,) to the hackle you select for dubbing with. Thus with a Dun hackle, use yellow silk; a black hackle, sky blue; a brown or red hackle, red or dark orange do.

The above selection of silks and dubbing are for Palmers and winged flies generally. It is a good plan however to take and wet your dubbing previous to making use of it, because when dry it may appear the exact colour you need, yet wetted quite the reverse. To acquire an accurate knowledge of any dubbing, hold it between the sun and your eyes.

Mohairs may be had of all colours, black, blue, yellow and tawny, from _feuille morte_ a dead leaf, and Isabella which is a whitish yellow soiled buff.

TO MAKE A PALMER FLY.

Take a length of fine round silk worm gut, half a yard of silk well waxed, (wax if possible of the same colour,) take a No. three or four hook, hold it by the bend between the forefinger and thumb of the left hand, with the shank towards your right hand, and with the point and beard of your hook not under your fingers, but nearly parallel with the tips of them, then take the silk and hold it about the middle of it with your hook, one part laying along the inside of it to your left hand, the other to your right; then take that part of the silk which lies towards your right hand between the forefinger and thumb of that hand, and holding that part towards your left tight along the inside of the hook, whip that to the right three or four times round the shank of the hook towards the right hand, after which take the gut and lay either of its ends along the inside of the shank of the hook, till it comes near the bend of it, then hold the hook, silk and gut tight between the forefinger and thumb of your left hand, and afterwards put that portion of silk into your right, giving three or four more whips over both gut and hook, until it approaches the end of the shank, then make a loop and fasten it tight, then whip it neatly again over both silk, gut, and hook, until it comes near to the end of the hook, make another loop and fasten it again; now wax the longest end of the silk again, then hold your Ostrich strand, dubbing on whatever you have selected, and hook as at first with the silk just waxed anew, whip them three or four times round at the bend of the hook, making them tight by a loop as before, then the strands to your right hand and twisting them and the silk together with the forefinger and thumb of the right hand, wind them round the shank tight, till you come to the place where you fastened, then loop and fasten again, then take your scissors and cut the body of the Palmer into an oval shape, that is, small at the head and the end of the shank, but full in the centre; don't cut too much of the dubbing off. Now both ends of the silk are separated, one at the bend, the other at the end of the shank, wax them afresh, then take the hackle, hold the small end of it between the forefinger and thumb of your left hand, and stroke the fibres of it with those of your right, the contrary way to what they are formed; hold your hook as at the beginning, and place the point of the hackle on its bend with that side growing next to the c.o.c.k's neck upwards, then whip it tight to the hook, but in fastening, avoid if possible, tying the fibres; the hackle now being fast, take it by the large end and keeping that side which lies to the neck of the c.o.c.k to the left hand, begin with your right hand to wind it up the shank upon the dubbing, stopping every second turn, and holding what you have wound tight with the fingers of your left hand, whilst with a needle you pick out the fibres unavoidably left in; proceed in this manner till you come to where you first fastened, and where an end of the silk remains; then clip off the fibres of the hackle which you hold between your finger and thumb close to the stem, and hold the stem close to the hook, afterwards take the silk in your right hand and whip the stem fast to the hook, and make it tight: clip off the remaining silk at both bend and shank of the hook, and also all fibres that start or don't stand well, and then your fly is complete.

GOLDEN PALMER.

Take the hair of a black Spaniel for dubbing, ribbed with gold twist, and a red hackle over all.

SILVER HACKLE PALMER.

The same dubbing as for the Golden Palmer, silver twist over that, and a brown red hackle, and note, when you make Golden or Silver Palmers, and when whipping the end of the hackle to the head of the hook, do the same to the twist whether Gold or Silver, first winding on the dubbing, observing that they lie flat on it, then fasten off and proceed with the hackle, or you may wind the hackle on the dubbing first, and rib the body with either of the twists afterwards. Palmers may be made so as to suit all waters by making them of various colours and sizes, and it is a good plan to fish with a Palmer until you know to a certainty what fly is on the water. Hackles for Palmers should consist of red, dun, yellow, orange and black, they should not by any means exceed half an inch in length. A strong brown red hackle is exceedingly valuable.

Any person who can make a Palmer will make winged flies without difficulty.

TO MAKE HACKLE FLIES.

Select a feather the colour you want, and whose fibres are of the length suitable for the size of the fly you wish to dress. Strip off all superfluous fibres, leaving on the stem of the feather no more than you require for your fly, then having previously waxed about half a yard of fine silk of whatever colour you deem best, take your gut or hair and hook into your left hand, lay the gut inside the shank of the hook nearly down to the bend, then whip the gut and hook, at the end of your hook together, then lay your feather the reverse way from the top of the feather on to the gut and hook, make fast the feather with your silk, then wind your silk on the hook as far as you intend the fibres to extend, holding the hook, gut and silk in your left, with your right wind the fibres down to the silk and make all fast, then wind the remaining part of the gut and hook as far as nearly the bend of the hook with your silk, and fasten; wind your silk back again to the feather, make all fast, cut off the remains of the silk, smooth down the fibres, press them between your finger and thumb, and having arranged them to your mind, the fly is completed. Instead of carrying the silk back again to the feather from the bend of the hook, you may finish there, if you prefer doing so. I prefer the former. Making hackle flies is such an easy matter, that any person with any ingenuity and attention, may soon become a proficient in fabrication of them, and by diligent observation as to the size, colour, and peculiarities of the great variety of natural flies, which make their appearance on the water at particular seasons and hours of the day, he will at all times be enabled to pursue his diversion with the best chance of success.

Nature best followed best secures the sport.

WORM OR BOTTOM FISHING.

You may take Trout in February with the worm if the weather is mild, and continue to do so until the end of October. It is a most alluring and destructive bait, and requires more skill to fish it properly than is generally supposed. After rain, when rivers or brooks are somewhat beyond their usual bounds, a well scoured lob worm will take the best of fish. For worm fishing you must have a yard of good gut attached to your cast line, which line ought to be of the same thickness from the gut to the loop of your reel line, your hooks may be a trifle larger in the Spring than in the Summer, and should be tied on to the gut with good strong red silk; two No. 4 or 5 shot corns, partially split, and then fastened upon the gut about five or six inches from the hooks, and from two to three from each other, are generally sufficient in a strong water to sink your worm to the requisite depth, but in low and fine waters, use two of No. 6, and sometimes one will be sufficient. In worm fishing never attempt to fish down, but always up a stream, and when you are aware that you have a bite, slacken your line a little in order to give time to the fish to gorge, then strike quickly, but not too hard, and land your prize without delay; you need not make more than two or three casts in one place, because if there is a fish he will in those casts either take or refuse your bait. In summer when the water is low and fine, and the thermometer about seventy-five Farenheit, capital sport may be had with well scoured Brandlings, perhaps this sort of fishing is _nulli secundus_, inferior to none in the exercise of skill and ingenuity. The immortal Shakespeare, must surely have fished the worm in clear waters, for he says, "the finest angling 'tis of all to see the fish with his golden fins, cleave the golden flood, and greedily devour the treacherous hook." In the Spring you must give your fish more time before you strike them than in the Summer; because having been sickly and altogether out of order, and not yet having recovered his usual strength and activity, he bites but languidly, and does not gorge so quickly as when in prime condition. When you find Trout pulling or s.n.a.t.c.hing at the worm, which may be termed runaway bites, and when in fact they neither take it nor let it alone, it is a sign they are full, and the best plan to effect a capture under such circ.u.mstance is to strike that moment they touch your bait, for if you do not succeed by a snap, but allow them time, they will only play with it for a few moments, and then finally leave you in the lurch. In concluding my observations on worm fishing, I can with confidence affirm that it is, as a bait for Trout, the most destructive and certain agent the angler (taking the season through) can make use of.

The author of Don Juan certainly did not flatter a worm fisher, one part of his a.s.sertion however is undoubtedly true, the worm was at one end, but it did not necessarily follow, that a fool was at the other.

His poetic and satirical lordship probably never saw Trout taken with the worm in a clear stream, if he had I think he would have been satisfied that there was nothing foolish about it. Osbaldiston in his _British Field Sports_, under the head of _Allurements for Fish_, recommends the gum of ivy, he says, "take gum ivy and put a good deal of it into a box made of oak, and rub the inside of it with this gum; when you angle, put three or four worms into it, but they must not remain long, for if they do, it will kill them, then take them and fish with them, putting more into the worm-bag as you want them. Gum ivy flows from the ivy tree when injured by driving nails into it, wriggling them about and letting them remain for some time; about Michaelmas is the best time to procure it. Gum ivy is of a red colour, of a strong scent, and sharp pungent taste." When fish are disposed to feed, you need not use gum ivy; the attractions of a bright and clear scoured worm are quite sufficient without any such adjunct.

TROLLING WITH THE MINNOW.